A short (tiny) songfic...the song Romancing the Blues is sung by Linda Eder on her CD It's No Secret Anymore, and was written by her husband Frank Wildhorn and Jack Murphy. (Linda and Frank rock my world, incidentally.) It always makes me think of, well, what this story is about...
Romancing the Blues
by Jennifer Feith
Hilary Booth reached the front door to her house, barely
hearing the sound of the cab pulling away from the curb. She
gripped the doorknob tightly as she turned the key in the lock,
drawing in a shuddering breath. The instant she was inside, she
slumped back against the door and let the first traces of tears
form in her eyes.
After a moment she wiped them away impatiently. "This is
ridiculous," she muttered to herself. She should be past the
point where stray thoughts of her ex-husband during the day left
her shattered at night. She should be out, enjoying the social
whirl of being single again and meeting new men, forgetting
Jeffrey Singer had ever existed. How could she rebuild her life
if she was staying at home mourning the wreck it had become?
<<I should be dancing, sipping champagne>>
<<Painting the town red, singing in the rain>>
<<I should be the headlines, not yesterday's news>>
<<Tonight I'll be romancing the blues.>>
Hilary crossed the foyer into the living room, heading for
the bar that she and Jeff had always kept stocked. After a
moment of deliberation, she chose a bottle of red wine. Pouring
a glass, she took an experimental sip. The vintage was good, and
she nodded to herself. She had chosen this one just over a year
ago, waiting for a good night to try it. She always had been
able to find excellent wines.
She had never been as good at picking men, though. She
grimaced. She had thought that she had finally succeeded with
Jeff, but he had shown her just how wrong she was when he married
Pavla. She had spent a decade of her life with him, and he had
thrown everything they had together away.
Her hand tightened around her wine glass until she thought
she might break it. Instead of snapping it her hand, she stared
down at it for a minute. Scowling, she hurled it against the
wall and watched it shatter.
<<I hope he's happy, wasting my best years>>
<<Guess I'll pour me a stiff one, then I'll pour out the tears>>
<<I could put on a brave face, but I simply refuse>>
<<Tonight I'll be romancing the blues.>>
She reached for the brandy instead of the wine to fill the
replacement glass she found. All of a sudden, the pressures of
keeping her emotions concealed was just too heavy on her
shoulders. Hilary simply couldn't be strong any longer. She
needed a night, just one night, to let herself feel as miserable
as she truly was.
She drained her glass of brandy, then poured a fresh drink.
This one she took with her as she left the bar, settling into a
chair across from the fireplace. It had been Jeff's favorite;
Hilary had never liked it as much. He had insisted on keeping
it. It was big enough for two people if they didn't mind getting
extremely close, a fact which when...effectively
demonstrated...had convinced Hilary to let him have his way.
Hilary knew the expression on her face was hard. She
smiled humorlessly. She might not like the chair herself, but
she would be damned if she was going to let him have it back now.
Even if losing the things he had left behind didn't hurt him--and
she fully hoped that it did--she wanted the reminder. Not of
Jeff, but of her own stupidity in trusting him. After all these
years, she hadn't learned a single thing.
<<You'd think by now that I'd have learned about love>>
<<But the record shows I've not done well>>
<<You'd think by now that I'd have learned about love>>
<<But right now, baby, love can go to hell.>>
Tears welled up in her eyes, and for once Hilary didn't try
to stop them. She stared into the fireplace until her vision
blurred and she felt their moisture spilling down her cheeks. A
single tear dropped onto her hand as she lifted the brandy glass
to her lips.
The question she usually didn't allow herself to ask
lingered in her thoughts. Was it her fault? She was getting
older, and she had virtually ignored Jeff for years. She had
thought that they were more in love than ever before he went to
London, but what did she know? When it came to Jeff, apparently,
not as much as that Czechoslovakian tramp.
Drawing her knees up and wrapping her arms around them, she
leaned forward and let the tears pour out.
<<Oh, hello heartache, throw me a parade>>
<<Let's have a celebration for the mess that I have made>>
<<So here's to all the winners from those of us who lose>>
<<All of us romancing the blues...>>
Her glass was empty.
Rising, she set it down on the bar. Closing her eyes
against the last of her tears, she inhaled deeply and let the
breath out slowly, gathering her strength. Glancing once around
the room, Hilary started for the stairs and her empty bedroom.
She was no closer to answers than she had ever been, of
course. For tonight, though, she had no more tears.
Tomorrow, she could be strong again.
<<Here's to all the winners from those of us who lose>>
<<All of us romancing the blues>>
<<Tonight I am romancing the blues.>>